


millions of miles in between our hearts

by areyoumarriedriver



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 05 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 06:20:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2378006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyoumarriedriver/pseuds/areyoumarriedriver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But no, she knows the real reason she has been chasing them since Terminus - and he's what causes her to stop, breath caught in her throat, her chest aching because despite the fact that she is standing in the middle of woods she's never stepped foot in, she sees him and her heart slams against its bone cage, desperate to cross the distance between them. To him. To home.</p><p>[series 5 fic based on spec & set spoilers]</p>
            </blockquote>





	millions of miles in between our hearts

**Author's Note:**

> First fics in new fandoms always terrify me a bit. I'm not new to the fanfic game - I've been doing this for over a decade (*shakes cane*) but character voice is a very important thing to me, and that's why dipping my toe in new fandoms is so scary for me as a writer. I also apologise because I tend to not like writing a phonetic accent in fics. I may have to get over that in this fandom. Maybe not. We'll see.
> 
> Also this is pretty heavily based on set reports and spoilers for series 5, so avoid if you don't know and don't want to know :)
> 
> [huge thanks to Gwen and Pam for convincing me this isn't utter crap ILU BOTH A LOT]
> 
> /flees scene

**_millions of miles in between our hearts_ **

She sees them through the foliage - trees are bursting bright green around them, backlit by the sun as if nature itself explodes with evidence of life. _Look,_ it shouts in acid colours, visceral against the brown branches, _life goes on._

 

They are travelling in a line, no uniformity to their ranks, just a bunch of bedraggled and bone-weary survivors, drab against the bright light around them. Somehow their darkness highlights their presence, instead of camouflaging it. She stops walking, her legs trembling as the weary muscles finally still, and her heart pounds in her chest.

 

She'd looked for them, torn into the town that promised everything and delivered nothing - demanded to see them once she’d realised they'd been there - Carl's pack and the riot gear and his poncho silent testimonials to her family’s presence. Her rage had almost choked her, stuck in her throat like a physical thing, a monster that yelled in a voice she didn't even recognise. But even when they'd told her, shook before her gun and confessed that they’d left already – to Washington, she somehow hadn't believed they'd find them.

 

She'd pressed on through the woods, mile after mile, searching for signs and never taking breaks, stopping only to switch Judith from her arms to Tyreese's and back again, over and over.  She'd insisted, though Tyreese hadn't asked, that the urgency stemmed from the need to put Judith back in Rick's arms.  Tyreese had nodded, and clearly didn't believe her.

 

She thinks it is partly that, at least a little bit. She's just not entirely sure it comes from an altruistic motive. _Here, Rick, I know you don't trust me with her._ Or _I brought **your** lost daughter back. _ Even _I killed my daughter to give you yours._ Lizzie and Mika had been hers, despite how much she’d fought it in the beginning. Part of her clings to the idea of handing Judith over and simply walking away, but she knows it is a foolish thought. She is angry with Rick right now, but she loves him. Loves Carl, loves Judith like she were her own. And though she'd never made the promise out loud - refusing to think anything but positive thoughts for her best friend, she _knows_ Lori would want her to take care of them. Carl and Judith. Even Rick. So her anger feels like a phantom limb at this point, surrounded by the foreknowledge that she will forgive him for his choices. Just like he will forgive her hers.

 

They're family, at the end of it all.

 

But no, she knows the _real_ reason she has been chasing them since Terminus - and he's what causes her to stop, breath caught in her throat, her chest aching because despite the fact that she is standing in the middle of woods she's never stepped foot in, she sees him and her heart slams against its bone cage, desperate to cross the distance between them. To him. To _home._

 

Time seems to slow and stretch, like taffy pulled on a fair truck, and then Judith squeals in Ty's arms and Rick stills. They all turn to look, jaws dropping and like elastic, time _snaps_ back to speed and Carol can see him, running, his weapon dropped on the forest floor. She thinks idly that that's so _stupid_ of him, but his knife is still at his hip, jostling awkwardly as he runs, and she'd never let anything happen to him regardless. She'd die first. She'd _kill_ first.

 

For all that this is like some cheesy cliché in a romance film, the scene stutters when he stills just a foot in front of her, slightly winded, his eyes tracking over her as he searches for something to say.

 

She feels better, just from the nearness of him, and it is so ridiculous that tears spring to her eyes and she blinks to clear them, smiling at him nervously. "Hey," is all she can come up with and he stares at her for a moment before he huffs out a small laugh, his lips curling in response. It's not that they're not great conversationalists - she talks - _talked -_ to him so much before. And he talked too, in his own quiet way, but never around everyone like this. So she says _hey_ like she's been gone an hour, because what else can they do?

 

He surprises her when he steps closer, his hand landing on her shoulder and gripping tightly for a moment before his hand slides down her arm, flaking mud and grime along its way - but that could be from him or her, so neither of them complain. She is further shocked when his fingers brush over the bone of her wrist, curling there like a bracelet, his thumb brushing over her pulse point as he stares at her. The touch disappears, swallowed by Rick and Carl finally surrounding them, clutching Judith and crying. Carol glances to the side and steps over, away from the family unit and stares on, an outside witness to their reunion. Daryl moves closer to her, his shoulder brushing hers as he stares at her.

 

"You found me," she barely hears his words on the breeze before Glenn is hugging her and Maggie is handing Daryl his crossbow and then there is only time for the briefest of explanations, 'She saved us,' from Ty, and a look of understanding between him and Rick, and the perfunctory story of Washington from Rick. Some things can't be discussed in front of outsiders, and there are more than a few of those tagging along.

 

They fall in the ranks easily, and carry on, Judith cradled in Carl's arms, and Daryl a constant shadow behind her.

 

It feels good to have the weight of his gaze on her back again.

 

It feels safe.

_xx_

It isn’t until the church – a priest saved and an offer of rest for the night given in thanks – that there is any time to even think about it all. She doesn’t like it in the church; her own dwindling faith makes her feel acutely uncomfortable in a house of God. For all that she tells herself she doesn’t believe – she still feels judged when she stands in front of the alter.

 

So as soon as she can she heads back to the entry, settling on the floor of the vestibule with her eyes fastened on the blocked doors and her gun cool against her hand at her right side. She can hear the hushed whispers echoing from the pews, but she can’t make out the words, and she is glad of it. It goes quiet after several minutes, and she sighs softly as she waits. One of them will be along shortly, she knows. Rick or Daryl – she can’t say that either conversation is one she is looking forward to.

 

She’s made her peace with Ty – she just wants to let it go. It seems like it would be easier that way. But neither man will see it quite that way, and somehow she isn’t surprised when it is Rick to walk into the vestibule, leaning against the doorframe and looking at her with a frown.

 

“Ty told us – explained,” he speaks slowly, his voice starting and stopping like sticky molasses running out of his throat. She chuckles at his words – because there is so much Ty could have explained. Her confession. Saving Judith. Mike. Lizzie. Her laugh catches then, and she swallows the sob it has transformed into.

 

She leans her head back, planting her feet on the ground and removing her hands from her gun so she can drape them over her knees as she looks up at him, waiting. “You saved her, Carol. Judith. You -” His voice breaks and she nods slowly, sighing.

 

“Wasn’t safe for her.” She shrugs, and wonders if Daryl’s taciturn nature hasn’t somehow rubbed off on her, but she spent a lifetime filling silence with excuses, and she refuses to do it anymore. She’d rather say nothing at all.

 

“I’m _sorry_ ,” Rick rasps out, and she shakes her head. “I thought- Carol, I don’t know what I thought. That he would kill you, or that you’d changed – that you couldn’t come back from it. Because you didn’t seem to want to. But I think I was scared.”

 

She looks up at that, her eyes wide as she stares at him. “Of me?”

 

“Of _me_ ,” he crouches, sidling closer as he speaks to her in a low voice. “I’ve made those choices too – about others, about outsiders – about people who I felt turned on me... I was frightened because you didn’t seem to struggle with it. I thought that made me weaker, and I wanted to be stronger. I told myself I was protecting you. I-”

 

“You did what you thought was right, Rick. So did I. Maybe neither one of us were – maybe it was a mistake on top of another mistake, but we can’t go back.” She shrugs as she speaks and he looks at her, his eyes searching hers for a moment before he nods, stiffly.  “I’m sorry too. I wish they’d gotten better, not worse. I wish that the isolation worked. I’m sorry I had to do it at all. But I forgive you for leaving me, please don’t – I don’t want to-”

 

“Carol... but _how_ I did it. I lied to you – I made you think there was a chance to change my mind. I made you think no one would want you there, I-”

 

“In the end, how you did it made me drive in the opposite direction for a while before I turned around. Maybe if I hadn’t – I’d have been there. Maybe I’d be dead now – but I certainly wouldn’t have found Ty and the girls, Rick. Maybe there’s a reason for it. Maybe not. But we can’t dwell.” He nods then, his head bowing as he stares at her hands on her knees and nods once more.

 

“For what it’s worth – I’m _glad_ you’re back with us. It’s where you belong.”

 

She smiles softly, looking over at him, nodding. “You’re my family – where else would I be?” He smiles and nods at that, running a hand through his hair and hesitating as if he doesn’t know where to go next. After a moment he reaches over, squeezing her shoulder before he stands and returns to the heart of the church, where Carl and Judith are waiting.

 

Carol watches him go and sighs softly. It wasn’t as difficult as she expected, and though it feels oddly unfinished, she is okay with it. She feels the last of her anger drain out of her, and she feels hollow. Every heart beat echoes in her chest.

 

It’s not five more minutes before Daryl slips into her space, settling on the floor next to her, mirroring her position. His crossbow is laid on his left and he stares at her for a moment, before he inches just a touch closer to her. His shoulder brushes hers and she breathes a bit easier. Whatever happens here, she knows it will be okay. “Ty said, about Lizzie,” he speaks in a low voice, his eyes on her face. “I’m sorry.”

 

She shakes her head, unable to speak and he nods, as if she has spoken aloud. She can’t talk about it just yet. He knows. “Tell me about you,” she asks him and he shrugs, his shoulder nudging hers.

 

“Nothing I’m proud of. Gave up – thought everyone was dead and just gave up.”

 

“Were you on your own?” She worries, and he shakes his head, his hair falling in his eyes as he avoids her gaze.

 

“Beth was there at first. Upset about her Dad. She just knew everyone else made it. Kept insisting we look for everyone. I lost her first... before we found anyone. Got over run, she got taken. Couldn’t chase her.” He rushes the words and Carol can hear a wealth of untold stories in his voice.

 

“I’m glad you weren’t alone. That it was Beth – you needed her, I think. That optimism,” she smiles and he refuses to meet her eyes. She reaches over, squeezing his bicep gently. “We’ll find her.”

 

“Don’t know where we’d even start,” he mutters, but when she pulls her hand back, he reaches up, taking it in his own.

“We’ll start where we are and look everywhere we go. We’ll find her. We all found each other – we’ll find her too.”

 

“Thought you were dead,” he admits, and his voice is thick with shame. “Stupid – should’ve known better. You’re stronger than that but I just gave up.”

 

“You lost everything, Daryl. I didn’t expect you to look for me – it’s why I was coming back. For the girls. For-” _You_ , she wants to finish but she just squeezes his hand tighter and swallows the word down until it curls within her belly, warming her from within.

 

“Just for the girls?” He presses, and it’s so unlike him that she blinks at him in surprise.

 

“I didn’t think you’d – after what I’d done...” She trails off, tries to pull her hand from his but he holds fast, refusing to let go.  “I knew Rick wouldn’t let me back.” She finally sighs. “And when it came down to it, I wasn’t sure where you’d land on that. He’s a brother to you. I didn’t want to- to be the losing side of that choice.” _Again_ goes unsaid and his fingers tighten around hers, his grip almost painful.

 

“I’m sorry,” he breathes the words out, and she feels his breath stir the hair by her ear. She looks up – he’s much closer than she’d thought, and his eyes are bright and piercing as he looks at her intently. “That you wouldn’t know – that you think I’d side with him over you. I don’t like what you did – not because you did it, but you did it on your own. You should’ve told me. Come to me. Thought that’s what we did – partners.”

 

“I wanted to,” she admits in a small voice, breathless with the sudden _want_ that grips her. She wants to change it – go back – not deal with it alone. “But I wasn’t sure…” She stops there, and he nods in understanding.

 

“I should’ve said,” he offers and his grip on her hand loosens enough that his fingers have room to stroke at her skin. She feels like she can’t breathe. “I never said – I’m shit at that stuff, you know? Just thought you _knew_.”

 

“I did,” she reassures him. “I thought I did, I just didn’t trust my own instincts about it. I don’t have the best track record,” she laughs and he nods, releasing her hand and wrapping an arm over her shoulder, pulling her closer.

 

“Rick wants me to scout ahead – take off tonight, give the Termites the slip. See what I can find out.” Her heart leaps at that – worry clawing at her chest. _No_. She just got him back – she can’t- she can’t- “Feel up to a road trip?”

 

She gasps at that, leaning back to see him smirking. “Me?”

 

“Yeah. Not leaving you again. Ever. And apparently you’re all badass now. So? Got my back?” He asks with a grin and she feels warmth fill her up – toe to crown until it spills out on her face.

 

“Always, Pookie.”

 


End file.
